I have figured it out. I realized today just what I need.
Something that should greatly increase the storehouse of patience that
is constantly depleted I have.
Something that will make car trips much more enjoyable.
Something that will allow Eric and I to actually have a conversation when we travel.
The upgrade that I would gladly shell out mega-bucks to have in my next vehicle.
And I am sure that I am not alone.
So all you inventor sorts out there, listen up!
Here is what is needed....
a sound-proof divider between the front seat
and the booster seats!
Lest you all think I'm a terrible mom who wants to neglect her children while driving, let me just allow you to experience a small tidbit of the conversation (can it be called a conversation if only one person is doing the majority of the talking?) between Markos and I in the car today.
(as we approach the van...)
"AHH! Mom! There's a spider on the door!"
(I use the paper in my hand to flick it off the van.)
"There. It's gone."
"Where?! Where did it go?"
"I knocked it off. It's under the car."
"You knocked it off? It's under the car."
"Did you whip it? (no time to answer)
Did you whip it...like Jesus?"
(Wow, that Easter program really had an impact on this wee one.)
"Where we going?"
"Are we going to grocery store now?"
"I thought grocery store was that way."
"No, it's this way. That's why I'm driving this way."
"But I thought it was that way....HEY! Look, it's a UPS truck."
"Is that the UPS store?"
"No. It must just be making a delivery."
"To who? What are they getting?"
"Do we get deliveries? Do they have a UPS store? Where is it?"
"I don't know."
CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! (Markos just starts clapping as loudly as possible to some beat unheard by me.)
"Can you turn the music up?"
"sure." (although I'm not sure why because who can possibly hear it when he never stops talking or making noise.)
"EXCUSE ME!! I said 'excuse me'."
"umm, ok. what?"
"Only God can stop them."
"Stop what? What are you talking about?"
"I burped. But I can't stop the burps. Only God can stop them."
"But I said 'excuse me'."
CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! 'Only God can stop them. Only God can stop them. Only God can stop them.' (Markos singing some little song he just made up, while clapping along with himself.)
"You missed it!!! YOU ALWAYS MISS IT!"
"Markos, I'm trying to drive the car. I've told you before, I can't always look when you ask me things."
"Oh - what's that truck for?"
"It's the cable truck."
"What are they doing?"
"I don't know. Probably fixing the cable line."
"I don't know."
Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. (Markos proudly engaging in his new found skill of whistling.)
"Mom, did you hear me whistle?"
"yes Markos. You're getting very good at it."
Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot. Toot.
(I'm trying to pull out into busy intersection so I don't respond right away)
"Excuse me. EXCUSE ME!!!"
"What Markos?!" (obviously annoyed tone)
"Well, I SAID excuse me!"
"What do they do in there?" (pointing to some random building)
"I don't know."
"You don't know every stuff?"
"No, Markos. I don't know everything."
"I know. You don't know a lot of things."
"Hey Mom, know what would be funny?"
(For you to stop talking for 2 minutes?) "No, what?"
"It would be funny if God made it morning when it was night time." (hysterical laughter from the back)
"Yeah, that would be funny."
"God could do that?"
"God can do any stuff?"
"Can God make a tree house from a bush?"
"Can God make all peoples fly?"
"Can God lift up that building?"
"Know what? Mrs Lucarelli said she doesn't have a dad anymore. He's in heaven."
"Is he with God?"
"Did he come back to life in heaven?"
"Is it soft in heaven?" (No time to answer any questions...)
"Hey! How come some things are big and some things are little?"
"I don't know Markos. Because that's how God made them."
"What's over there?"
"Over there!" (Pointing over a random hill)
"I don't know."
"Is it Ethiopia?"
"No Markos. I told you Ethiopia is far away and we'd have to ride in an airplane to get there."
"It's on the other side of the world?"
"are there other worlds?"
"Not that we can live on."
"Because that's how God made us."
"Would I have to get a shot?"
"To go to Ethiopia? Would I have to get a shot?"
"Maybe one or two, just for traveling so it would protect you from getting sick there."
"I don't want to go back then. Ever. I don't want to get a shot."
"I thought we were going to the grocery store! Are we almost there?"
"Can I play in the play room?"
"What are we doing after the grocery store?"
"Do I have soccer today?"
I kid you not. That is how it is 24/7 with this boy.
HE. NEVER. STOPS. TALKING!!
For some reason, when I'm trying to drive, and think, and listen to music (all at the same time),
his incessant talking is all the more aggravating to me!
So I need a sound-proof back seat!! Or a great deal more patience.
(Or possibly some strong medication)
But frankly, the sound-proof backseat seems most likely at this point.